I should have worn heels -- life at 5'3"

Twin Watch Day 4

Thu, 29 Oct 2009 17:17:30 GMT

It's Day 4 of Twin Watch. We are tired and missing Dad, but hanging in there.(And we DID get a brief visit with Ken on Tues as he came thru town for an event at Powells.) Our baby wrangler-4-the-nite, Shauna, and I invented a new game for the twins called Rock Em, Sock Em Babies. We had the girls strapped to our chests (kinda reminded of that mutant dude from Total Recall). From there a WFC championship ensued. I think they really liked being able to interact with each other in an upright fashion.

Today I think we may attempt a pumpkin carving. We'll see how cooperative they are.

Many, many thanks to the friends who have come by and helped with the wrangling and generally keeping me sane. And thanks to Newroticgirl, I even got a much needed nap in yesterday.

Hello to all the folks I'm missing down at World Fantasy.

Okay, back to the chaos.

Twin Watch

Mon, 26 Oct 2009 18:31:45 GMT

It's day 1 of Twin Watch here at West Scholes Manor. Ken left at 0'Dark thirty this morning to commence 9 days of book events with fellow author Kate Elliot. Which also means 9 days of solo twin duty. *gulp* But we have several friends stopping by to help and keep us company. Still, we are going to miss Papa Bear quite a lot.

Update from West Scholes Manor

Sat, 03 Oct 2009 18:50:50 GMT

Wow! I actually have a few minutes of online time! I miss my computer. But the girls and life in general keeps me pretty busy. Lots of stuff happening around here...

The girls had their two month check-up yesterday (2 months already!). They are doing well, though they are growing at different rates. Weighing in at 11 1/2 lbs, Rachel is in the 60% for length and weight. The Littlest Scholes, Lizzy, weighing in at just over 9 lbs is in the 10%. Both are healthy and got their first round of vaccinations. I was a chicken and sent Ken to the doc with them for that. I got to do the heel prick a couples weeks after they were born, and it was traumatic (for me). I know I'll have to get a thicker skin, but really it's only been a year or so since I've come to grips with getting poked myself without passing out.

New skills: The girls are starting to smile now. And my sister said she even got a laugh out of one of them (Liz, I think). They are starting to grab at things now, so jewelry comes off as soon as I walk in the door. And they are noticing dangly toys. And already the flashy TV attracts their attention. They get a good dose of Family Guy and Robot Chicken with Ken. They watch Bones with me. I'm not sure exactly how much crude cartoons and dead bodies might warp them, but it will be interesting to find out.

I went back to work the week before last. Full-time. It's been a bit of an adjustment. On the one hand, I like getting back to a "normal" routine. Works pretty busy as you might imagine. I've been away for two months from a job that requires a lot of multi-tasking of information and systems set-up/maintenance.. it's a finely tuned process. And no matter who was going to fill in for those two months, I knew I'd have quite a bit of clean-up to do to get everything back to my anal-retentive estimate of correctness. And I do. And I am. I miss the girls when I'm at work, but I've called over to my sister's every day to check on them. And they are always doing just fine if a bit fussy some days.

The hardest thing about being back to work has been the commute and what little time is left over to actually spend with the itty bitties. Our original child care plan fell through due to a cross-country move, so my sister stepped up to the plate. However, she is going to have her baby any day now and she lives on the complete other side of the Portland Metro Area from St Helens. For the last two weeks, Ken's been carting the littlest Scholes from St Helens to Oregon City (an hour drive), then driving the 1/2 hour back into the city to work. Then in the afternoon, I've driven the 1/2 hour from downtown to O.C. to pick them up, then fight rush hour traffic back to St Helens. On light traffic days, it was a minimum of two hours from the time I got off work to the time I stepped through the door at West Scholes Manor. Brutal.

But we've found another child care option that we'll be implementing toward the end of October. Ken, brilliant daddy monkey, found local child care and devised a strategy to actually afford it. So the girls will be with strangers for the day (I don't really like that so much), but we'll be able to get our carpool back (cuts gas and parking by more than half), which gives us our talk time back (a whole lot of Lamentation, Canticle and Antiphon got hashed out in the wee hours of our drive into and from work) and gives us more time in the evenings with Lizzy and Rachel. Only a couple of pieces of this plan left to figure out, but I think we're pretty solid. Yay! *Glares at Universe and dares it to f*** with me again at it's own peril*

Despite the crazy commuting schedule, Ken and I have still managed to get a few dates (sans babies) together thanks to our friend Amy's awesome babysitting skillz. And tomorrow, the girls are going over to Grandma and Grandpa's so we can make an excursion to wine country. It will be the first wine tasting trip we've taken since I got pregnant. Yay!

Now that I have a new battery for the camera, new pictures should be forthcoming. I tried to get a pic of their smiles with my cell phone, but they became more interested with the cell phone than in smiling. I will catch that elusive facial expression.

Super Mom

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 01:03:54 GMT

I finally feel like I'm getting the hang of this whole mom-thing. The last 7 weeks have been filled with trial and error, juggling, hormones, sleepless nights, minor setbacks, small victories, large milestones and lots and lots of love and help pouring in from family and friends. I have to admit that I did not think I was adapting as quickly or effectively as I should have been... or as quickly as others seem to be able to. (And I've been told repeatedly that I should cut myself some slack - yeah right.) I felt awkward and overwhelmed and daunted. I think both Ken and I did, but Ken is quite adaptable. I'm stubborn. I have to smack my head against the wall a few times. And I hate asking for help, no matter how much I may need it.

Today, I had to take Lizzy to the doctor (which means both twins). They've been sick with a cold for the last two weeks. Rachel seems to have kicked it, but it went into Lizzie's chest. The poor girl has been wheezing for days. So I made the appointment, threw the diaper bag together, bundled the girls up, piled in the van and set out for the doctor's office. It went so smoothly, even with the two of them tag-teaming on the fussiness. I will say, though, that carrying two car seats full of growing baby is quite the workout on the arms and shoulders. Lizzie got her first antibiotics - that wonderful bubble gum medicine we all remember - and she took it like a pro. We met kenscholes, jaylakeand Diana for a quick lunch before heading back to St Helens. It was like we had left our cave, gone out like normal people into the world and got our sh** done. And we did it all on our own! Win! And hopefully, my baby will be feeling better soon too.

In other news, I'm starting back to work next Tuesday with a mixture of happy-ness and anxiety. Happy to be getting back to normal. Anxious because it means leaving the girls all day, 5 days a week. Though, I will be taking some time off in a few weeks when my sister has her baby. Family just keeps growing.

Other sources of Twin photos

Mon, 03 Aug 2009 09:50:26 GMT

jaylake has done a fantastic job of being our own personal twin photographer this week. :) He has truly captured some great shots of Elizabeth and Rachel. So while y'all are waiting for the parents to catch up on photos and postings, check out his blog (http://jaylake.livejournal.com/1874131.html) and flickr set (if you haven't already). Thanks, Jay!

Elizabeth & Rachel Born July 28th 2009

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 18:58:30 GMT

As most everyone around the globe knows, our twin girls, Elizabeth and Rachel, were born last Tuesday. They are beautiful and healthy. And since I won't be available to do much texting, emailing, posting, etc., please check kenscholes LJ/FB for updates, pictures, etc. Most of y'all already know this, but just in case...

And once again, thanks again for all the well-wishes. Will be back to posting before they graduate high school... hopefully. :-P

The Good, The Bad, The Itchy

Sat, 25 Jul 2009 22:59:00 GMT

Today I turn 36 weeks. We have passed the point of no return. I'm no longer at risk for pre-term labor, because I'm term. So whenever these kids decide to show up, they are showing up. I can feel the finish line, or the final push (so-to-speak), not far off. Things are feeling different, and have been for a few days now. It's only a matter of time.

The Good: I just got back from the St. Helens Pool with Ken. Prego + Pool = BLISS! It was a little weird climbing into the pool at first. Well, first of all, I felt a little ridiculous squeezing my 9-month pregnant body into my pre-preggers bikini, but mostly I didn't care. I don't think the girls knew what to do with the new weightless sensation. I'm assuming that even though they are encased in fluid, it's still not quite weightless. They got VERY quiet for the first half hour of me paddling around on one of those foam noodles, despite Ken's attempts at trying to play with them. They did eventually offer up some tentative kicks that I interpreted as Morse code for WTF, Mom?! Me, I felt great! Better than I've felt in many weeks. I could almost forget about the 40 lbs I've packed on. Interesting note: I expected my belly to be more buoyant, but actually I sank rather easily. I guess that makes sense being that it's not fat I've put on but flesh and fluid. Kind of like ballast system in a submarine, I imagine. The hardest part was getting OUT of the pool, because a.) did I mention the bliss? and b.) as soon as I started up the steps I could feel the weight of gravity pulling my stomach toward the floor. Oy! I felt every one of those added pounds.

The Bad: It is hot as hell right now. Actually, today hasn't been too bad. But the last few days have just been miserable. We pretty much live in the cave when we're home - curtains drawn, A/C units full power, fans assisting. My hairless hobbit feet do not like this weather. But I shall keep the whining to a minimum. Fatigue is not made of fun either. Nor is inability to achieve normal range of motion. I could go on, but I shall spare you until I write my tell-all book "Twin Pregnancy, And the Stuff No One Ever Tells You About Until It's Too Late."

The Itchy, or PUPPS the Magic Rash: Speaking of the tell-all book, here a sneak preview of one of those fun preggo things no one ever mentioned until I was about to tear my own skin off. So in the third trimester, right around week 35, about 1% of women (usually with 1st pregnancy and/or twin pregnancy) suddenly develop a weird rash on their belly. In fact, one of the doctors I see called it "The Weird Rash of Pregnancy" and it doesn't go away until after giving birth - sometimes not for a couple weeks after birth. Official term is Pruritic Urticarial Papules and Plaques of Pregnancy (PUPPS). The docs don't know what causes it, but some have theorized that it may be an inflammatory response to all the stretching the skin has to endure, or that it may have to do with the presence of male fetal DNA. Since I'm have girls, and I've gotten it on the two places where my skin has stretched the most (my belly and my ankles), I'm inclined to agree with the former. Regardless, it is the most agonizing, torturous part of this pregnancy to date. And there's nothing to be done for it but put some steroid-y creams (baby-safe) on it that don't really do much to take away the itch anyway. Bleh! Secret tip: the one thing that I've found to relieve the itch at least temporarily is ice. It's a little difficult to ice the belly as the twins really don't like that, but on the feet and ankles it works. A cool pack (as opposed to an ice pack) works on the belly to some extent.

So one more bit of Good... by popular demand, the latest belly pic. This was taken today (week 36) just as we were leaving for the pool.

Hobbit Feet

Wed, 22 Jul 2009 02:34:18 GMT

It is so frakkin' HOT!!!! I woke up one morning and must have put on someone else's feet! A Hobbit's feet. See!

On the plus side, Ken is taking me to the aquatic park on Saturday where I'm going to impersonate a whale in the wave pool. I'm so looking forward to submerging myself in cool water. 35 weeks! I think it's about time these girls got a place of their own. There is a lovely nursery just next door to our room that would be perfect.

Nursery Painted

Thu, 16 Jul 2009 03:13:03 GMT

Every time I leave the doctor's office now, I get that 80s song "Final Countdown" stuck in my head. We are so in the final countdown. We actually had a bit of a *gulp* moment today when they tested me for preclampsia (blood pressure related thing that would mean I'd probably be having some babies tonight instead of doing laundry). But, thank goodness, my test results came back normal, so the kids get to stay in the "Easy Bake Oven" (as Ken calls me now) for a few more weeks. They are healthy and active... Man, are they active! And they're all squished and entwined in funny ways in there right now. There's not a lot of room. At last week's growth appointment, Elizabeth was weighing in at 4lbs 8oz and Rachel at 4lbs 10oz. I think they are supposed to grow about 1/2 lb per week from here on out, so for all I know they could have topped 5lbs each by now. That's a lot of baby in there!

I gained a whopping 6lbs in the last week, and it's all in my feet. They are so swollen, I don't even recognize them. I think I got up one morning over the weekend and put on someone else's feet. And I think they must have been circus folk or hobbits or something. Because these are NOT my feet. And they ow. :( I have grown out of my last pair of sandals and have had to buy a cheap pair of flip-flops a size bigger than I normally wear. And even they feel tight. But they tell me it's all part of the final push to D-day.

In brighter news, we finally got the nursery painted. Many, many, many thanks and praises to the wonderful WordWomen who trekked out to West-Scholes Manor on Saturday for a day of painting. We turned the Watermelon Room into a room that I now feel happy to exist in. The previous owners had a tween daughter whose room was painted in the color of a watermelon rind. Then, where there would normally be trim, but there WASN'T, they painted bright pink - a shade somewhere between watermelon and pepto bismol. Bleh. Now, the room is a light shade of happy green. And where there actually IS trim is painted in buttercup yellow. Then we painted the dresser and bookshelf. The outside parts we did in buttercup yellow and then the drawer fronts and inside shelves we alternated in the same green on the walls and pink lemonade. It is such a cute room! And when I say, "we," I really mean Julie, Sue, newroticgirl and debbiemumford. I fetched food, tried not to inhale too many fumes and began sorting through Smaug's treasure pile. Once I've put the room up the way I want it, I'll post pics.

And now, I fold laundry. Baby laundry. I've gone through and washed the bundles of baby clothes (not nearly all of it, but a good start). And I'm trying to organize it into the dresser. It's so weird to know that they are going to be here so soon. I just hope we're ready... or as ready as we'll ever be.

Smaug's Treasure Pile

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 19:02:48 GMT

If you've been following Ken's blog/FB, you may have noticed he's referred to Smaug's Treasure Pile a few times. I thought y'all could use a visual, so here ya go (and this isn't even all of it!) !

And because he is just so adorable, I have to add this pic, too. (Ken's step-brother and our nephew.) Okay, everyone, all together now.... AWWWWWWWW.

Hope ya'll have a fun and safe 4th of July!

Baby Shower Pics

Sun, 28 Jun 2009 20:48:51 GMT

Hey y'all. I was terribly lax about taking pictures at the Oregon City baby shower - or anywhere else we've been for that matter. If you have any pics from the shower, we would love to see and copy them. I guess that's a good sign when people are having so much fun socializing that cameras are forgotten. :)

Live at Locus Awards Weekend + Baby Stuff

Sat, 27 Jun 2009 23:50:58 GMT

Ken and I are hangin' at the Locus Awards this weekend. We're grabbing some writing/rest time in our room before heading back out into the crowd. It's been a pretty cool weekend so far, though I missed all the fun last night. Babies decided mommy was too tired to party (but still gave her insomnia!) so we hid in the room. But Ken seems to have carried the Fun Torch for all of us. Hopefully tonight will be a different matter. The girls really enjoyed the awards banquet. I think they thought the applause was all for them, because whenever everyone claps - which was every few minutes - I got a good kick, punch or squirm. I think they thought they could accept awards for people. They're already so ambitious! :)

Had a lovely first breakfast with kenscholes , Kelly Young and Jenna Pitman. Happy birthday to Kelly! Then had a delightful second breakfast with bhagwanx and frabjouslinz up in Ballard. They also introduced me to a great cupcake store. Alas they did not have the cupcake onsies I was looking for. So I had to move along. It's probably a good thing that I didn't impulse buy, but I may have to go to their website at a later time to see if they've restocked.

I have been very lax in posting about the babies and the baby showers... or anything else of late. I'm not sure if this is due to busy-ness or lazyness, but I'm going to opt for the former. I still have so many thank yous to send out. I must get on that. And I do have much heartfelt gratitude for all of our friends, family and co-workers who have come out to share in the celebration of these two little ninja princesses.

So a couple of things... our friends Kalle and Angus were clever and found a new acronym for the Scholes Family. We are now the J.E.R.K.S. (Jen, Elizabeth, Rachel and Ken Scholes). Very clever. We got a good laugh out of that.

Then... ta da! I went and got a henna tatoo on my belly! Most of you have seen it in the flesh already, because I've been practically flashing everybody my belly since I got it, but here are some pics, too. This is with the paste still on, so it's very dark. The artist, Melanie Schwartz, did such a great job. She's local to Portland and is also at the Saturday Market. You can view here stuff on her website at http://www.bluelotushenna.com/index.html. And here are a few samples of the art she did (free hand!) on me...

Baby Update at 30 weeks

Thu, 18 Jun 2009 03:37:54 GMT

It has been far too long since my last update. We just had another ultrasound today, as well as our first NST (Non-Stress Test). I'm now a little over 30 weeks (7 weeks to go!). The babies are growing like crazy. Last month, Elizabeth was measuring 16% smaller than Rachel, which had us... watchful. If the twins had gotten more than 20% difference in their size, we would have started to get a little worried. But little Elizabeth (or little Leila Ali as I've sometimes called her) had quite the growth spurt. She's gained more than a pound and is now a robust 3lbs 5oz. Rachel is still slightly bigger at 3lbs 12oz. I'm going to have some robust babies (robust for twins anyway). What's funny is that Elizabeth, the little one, seems to have pushed Rachel into some awkward positions in their womb. Rachel often will stick out of my side, and on the ultrasound, her head was cocked in a funny, uncomfortable-looking way. Elizabeth wants her space! It's looking pretty crowded in there. I'm not sure there's enough room for two babies and all my internal organs!

The babies have moved around a bit, too. Elizabeth is still head down with her face pretty much pressed up against the "exit." She loves to stick her butt against my belly. Rachel did a little spin a few weeks ago, which I felt in the middle of the night when she went sideways and felt like she was exploding out my side. She's now head up and banging her head against my ribs. Occasionally, she'll stretch out and bang her head on my ribs and kick her feet into my hip bone. She's going to be a long baby.

Then I got to lay on a table hooked up to the NST machine for almost an hour while the technicians tracked their heartbeats and my contractions. Yes, my contractions. I get them almost everyday now. But they're pretty mild, and as long as I don't have more than 6 in an hour, I'm doing fine. (And you haven't been complimented until your doctor tells you what a great, healthy and strong cervix you have.) I just have to stay rested and hydrated. And the technician seemed pretty impressed with all the movements going on in there. The babies were jumpin', jivin' and whalin' in there, as usual.

All in all, we're doing well. We're pretty much out of the woods for the Twin to Twin Transfusion. We're now just making sure the cookies get baked all the way.

And in case you didn't catch them on Facebook, here are a couple of recent pics...

23rd Century Technology

Sun, 17 May 2009 18:49:17 GMT

This is not my original thought - though it IS presented in Jen-speak. I was either talking to someone earlier this week and can't remember who, or I heard this from a caller who called in during an interview with J.J. Abrams on Fresh Air. Either way, the question that was postulated has stuck with me for days.

So, there have been a few babies born during the various episodes and movies in the Star Trek universe. Of all the ones I've seen (and I haven't seen them all, I'm sure, because I have not watched every single spin-off), the birthing scene always has the same huffing and puffing of the mother trying to push the watermelon out of the lemon-sized exit. (Well, I'm assuming from the huffing and puffing that the aliens had similar object-to-opening size ratio... damn it Jim, I'm a writer not an obgyn!)

And here's the question... why not just use transporter technology to beam the kid directly from the womb to the doctor's awaiting hands? Bypass all the huffing and puffing and pushing (and blood and tearing and mucus plugs and all the other stuff they usually don't show on cable TV or IMAX - and really, I don't EVER have to see a birth on IMAX. Really, really. That is going a few light years too far. Birth - in high-def on a 29 Ft screen. No thank you. But I digress.) I mean if Kirk's crew can beam a couple of humpback whales (one of which was pregnant) and however many tons of seawater into the cargo bay of a Klingon ship, then surely a baby (or two), a placenta and some amniotic fluid would be a piece of cake.

I'm just sayin'.

Travel

Thu, 14 May 2009 01:17:57 GMT

One of my Bucket List goals is to set foot on every continent (including Antarctica). So far 3 out of 7.

Mother's Day - page i

Sun, 10 May 2009 23:51:50 GMT

I say "page i", because since the girls aren't born yet, this is sort of a pre-Mother's Day. A Mother's Day prequel. Or like those extra pages of stuff that start out with roman numerals before the actual page numbers start. I realize I'm being a good mom by taking care of myself and, therefore, them. So I am thoroughly enjoying my first Mother's Day.

Today started out very nicely with me waking up from a sweet dream about the girls. It was very short and simple. I walked into the baby room where they had been sleeping. And they were at an age where they weren't quite crawling yet. They were awake, and when they saw me, their faces just lit up, like they were saying, "Hi, Mom!" I like these dreams much better than than the anxiety-ridden ones.

I received two lovely Mother's Day cards upon waking up. One from Ken (the sweetest husband EVAR) and one from the twins. He said they tapped a message to him in morse code to let him know what kind of card to pick out. How cute is that?

Then we packed up and headed to my parent's house where I was making brunch for my mom. Well, it turned out to be more of a joint effort between the two of us. I know we're supposed to be all pampered and spoiled, but we love to cook/bake and so we experimented with a long-forgotten recipe from the cookbook she made the family for Christmas this year. The brunch came out beautifully. We had asparagus and swiss cheese crepes with fruit salad and maple flavored sausage links served with orange/mango/pineapple juice. It was the perfect balance of sweet and savory. And playing in the kitchen with my mom is one of my favorite pasttimes.

After brunch, I even got my mom on Facebook. So maybe she's reading this crosspost even now!

My sister, her husband and Ken and I crossed paths as we passed through our parents' house. As we were leaving, they were arriving. And of course, there were belly pics to be taken.

The proud parents-to-be.

The pregnant sisters. Can you tell which one of us is having twins? (I'm a 25 weeks, I think she's at 18 or 19 weeks.)

And for the rest of Mother's Day, I'm spending it with my favorite daddy-to-be.

Freedom of Speech or National Security?

Thu, 07 May 2009 05:02:34 GMT

Whenever I have to send a package at the post office, I'm asked if there are any hazardous or dangerous items in my package. Often I'll joke with the postal worker, saying, "only ideas." Well, hazardous or dangerous ideas are no joke in the U.K.

I was listening to NPR today, and they were discussing on World Have Your Say the U.K.'s list of 16 people banned from entering the country for "fostering extremism or hatred." I read these people fell under the far-right religious, anti-gay, anti-abortion, racial separatism, etc. headings. Now I couldn't disagree more vehemently with their viewpoints, and I'm all for advocating tolerance and acceptance of people of all lifestyles, races, sexes, orientation, etc. But it does seem odd to me to ban certain people from entering a country because they've got some crazy ideas they want to express. If they are doing so in a lawful way, then why not let them? They can then be lawfully ridiculed for being nuts (or short-sighted or narrow-minded or whathaveyou). It is unfortunate that the message many of the extremists is hurtful to so many groups. But banning these people isn't going to change their minds or their message; it will only fuel their delusional vitriol. I'm pretty sure that the argument for tolerance and acceptance can withstand any civil debate these people can dish out. Healthy debate keeps us from becoming a stagnant, unquestioning population of drones.

I'm still not sure exactly how this becomes a National Security issue requiring banned entry into the country. Are these people plotting bombings? Gathering terrorist cells? From what I heard, it sounded like they just wanted to blow hot air and hold demonstrations.

Now for all I know, the U.S. could have similar lists of banned people. It would not surprise me if we did, but it would sadden me.

The networks show the movie "The American President" on TV quite often. It's a good film. Michael Douglas, Annette Benning. And I remember the first time watching it, the scene at the end where Michael Douglas as the President addresses the American people. He has this big, long, moving, Hollywood-style monologue that wraps up the movie in a nice little bow and leaves you feeling all tingly about being an American. Hollywood aside, there was a bit in that monologue that always stuck with me. He says:

"America is advanced citizenship. You gotta want it bad, 'cause it's gonna put up a fight. It's gonna say, "You want free speech? Let's see you acknowledge a man whose words make your blood boil, who's standing center stage and advocating, at the top of his lungs, that which you
would spend a lifetime opposing at the top of yours."

It's a reminder that our rights and freedoms aren't intended for when things are easy and everyone's in agreement. We have these rights and freedoms exactly for those times when we don't agree. Everyone gets a voice. Even the crazies. Besides, who's to say that one day, I might be labeled the "crazy" with the subversive ideas? And if that time comes, I'd want to know that I still had a right to my voice... before the people with the butterfly nets came for me.

More crazy, weird stuff

Sun, 03 May 2009 03:37:48 GMT

So I've entered the Leg Cramps From Hell phase of pregnancy. You know, those charlie horses that wake you up in the night biting into your pillow so your screams don't wake your significant other. And your calf muscle is visibly bunched up and whatever power has seized you just refuses to let up. And then when it finally does, you're sore for three days afterward... from the last day you had the cramp, so if you've had them for days in a row, you're pretty much screwed. Oh yeah, they are fun.

I started asking people what they've done for leg cramps, and I've gotten some good and some really weird responses back. I've listed them below

1. Stand up. (Ouch, but this actually got the cramp to cease.)
2. Put a bar of Ivory soap at the foot of your bed or under your mattress (wtf? I would love to know how that works.)
3. Eat more bananas for potassium. (Just bought some, have eaten one.)
4. Take a magnesium/calcium supplement. (I eat TUMS regularly.)
5. Drink raspberry leaf herbal tea.

So what weird advice have you tried or heard of to get rid of leg cramps? Or really, what weird home remedies have you heard of to cure any ailment?

The Weirdness of My Head

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 18:32:27 GMT

Another weird pregnancy dream.

Our dreams are so obviously our subconscious trying to work out stuff while we sleep. Of course, being that it's our subconscious, it's sometimes hard to piece together what the heck is going on inside our noggins. But I think this one is fairly clear cut.

I woke up this morning from a dream in which I couldn't find any maternity clothing stores, so I embarked on building my own. I picked a plot of land in the middle of nowhere that had too many trees growing close together to erect a building. The trees had to go. Now, here's where it gets weird. I didn't hire a lumberjack or even pick up a chainsaw myself. No, I enlisted the help of He-Man's Battlecat, and while riding in the big cat's saddle, we tied rope around the trees and used his super cat strength to pull them out by the roots. The dream never progressed beyond that scene, because I think my conscious mind kicked in and said, "Battlecat? Really?"

So yesterday (and over the weekend too), it became apparent that I could no longer squeeze into my first round of maternity clothes. (Btw, when the sales person says to just buy your normal size because the special elastic will grow with you, DON'T BELIEVE her!) My jeans and two work pants are now in the "Loan to My Sister" pile. (If you recall, she is pregnant too, about 5-6 weeks behind me, but only having one baby, so might not get as ginormous as me.) I did a Google search for maternity stores in Portland, and I swear, you'd think that I was trying to locate Osama Bin Laden. I did get 4 hits in the greater Portland Metro Area, but they were these upscale boutiques that sold pants for $80+. (Considering where I work, I really shouldn't talk. But still.) Or, it was that one store that stills holds on to that classic maternity look: Frumpy Mu Mu Chic. What I've discovered is that many stores have these unadvertised hidden areas with small collections of maternity clothes, but you have to know which individual stores carry them. It's a serious scavenger hunt out there.

To make a long story short (too late!), I see a clothes shopping hunt in my future. Unfortunately, I won't be able to take Battlecat. Most stores don't allow animals.

Useless Wisdom of the Day

Tue, 28 Apr 2009 13:28:08 GMT

Unopened emails are like ringing phones. There is a compulsion to interrupt whatever you're doing to open/answer them. It's just torture let it just sit there.

And in the morning, I'm making WAFFLES!

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 22:58:32 GMT

So, have you ever wondered what would happen if/when a prego encountered multiple cravings at once? Well, I'll tell you.

I woke up this morning craving waffles. Waffles on a Saturday morning sounded dee-lightful. With bacon. Must have bacon, too. And I wanted to make them with my fancy little Belgian waffle iron. Because making breakfast taps into this weird nesting instinct that creeps up out of nowhere. Unfortunately, I couldn't decide what kind of waffles I wanted to make. And just plain Belgian waffles just wouldn't do.

Aside: you know, the packaging companies really should be more careful when they are posting their "delicious recipe ideas" right there on the box for any prego to see!

Ken, being the wonderful man that he is, volunteered to run to the store for supplies. He had no idea what hair-brained idea I'd concocted. Because in the end, I went with my usual modus operandi for all major decisions involving choosing from a selection: why choose when you can have both (or all)? Thus, behold my breakfast creation! My chocolate chip Belgian waffles with strawberries, walnuts, whipped cream and a drizzle of maple syrup. In the end, I think it was the maple syrup that went just one step too far. (And no, I did NOT eat the whole thing.)

We'll Miss You, Ken

Wed, 22 Apr 2009 03:25:02 GMT

Well, another writer has typed their proverbial *END*. Tonight, Ken Rand passed away. Even though most of us knew it was coming, it still doesn't take the bite out of what still feels like a sucker punch. After battling it out with his illness for the last couple of years, he decided last week that enough was enough. So I guess you could say that he went on his own terms. And that's just the kind of guy he was.

I remember hearing about Ken before I even met Ken. My Ken told me about this almost doppleganger fellow that I was going to meet at my first Norwescon (I think it was Norwescon). He was shorter than My Ken, but he shared a first name with My Ken, was a writer of wacky stories like My Ken, had a beard like My Ken and wore a tan corduroy jacket similar to what was then a trademark of My Ken's wardrobe (this was before the explosion of plaid). We all sort of chuckled over whether I would get the two Kens mixed up. So I met this spry, energetic man who always seemed to have a mischievous twinkle in his eye, and he became one of my first con friends.

Being a reporter (not a journalist, he would emphasize), Ken and I shared some similar interests. I had set down my reporter's notebook after college in order to scrape out a living at a "real job." My Ken and Ken were both very supportive of me picking that notebook back up. When Ken retired from his long-standing gig writing interviews for Talebones, tbclone47 decided to pull together all of Ken's Talebones interviews into one book, Human Visions: The Talebones Interviews. And as a bookend to the interviews, My Ken and I jointly interviewed the interviewer his own self. It was the first interview I'd done since college, and it ended up helping me get the ball rolling for the interviews I would do in the years following.

Ken also often traveled with this crazy-looking yellow plastic blob that he called his "muse." Painted on this blob was an overly cheerful face, and when you squeezed it, it laughed maniacally. Of course I fell in love with the little sucker and was happier than a five-year-old at an all you can eat ice cream buffet. At his last Norwescon, and the last time I saw him, Ken gifted me with his muse, and it now stares at me from my windowsill at work, either reminding me not to take it all so seriously or quietly chuckling with me at the dunderheaded things that I see some people do and/or say. Or it could be laughing AT me, and I'm oblivious. It's a very versatile little creature.

Conventions have come and gone with Ken's absence noticeable. Blog posts and announcements. Sporadic emails. An occasional phone call. And last summer, I spent several of my lunch breaks in the park by my work with a manuscript of a psychedelic story of music and talking bubbles. What an incredible imagination. Yet, to me (with my super powers of denial and self-delusion), it's felt like there's this empty chair in the room that no one else can sit in. That person has just stepped out, took a call, went to the bathroom, he'll be right back. He's not coming back. And the chair will stay empty. I'll miss you, Ken.

Belly pics and other updatery

Sun, 19 Apr 2009 10:37:38 GMT

Well, since I'm having another one of these ever so frequent bouts of insomnia, I figured I had no excuse for not posting those belly pics that I promised. So, here ya go... Jen at 21 1/2 weeks!

Doest thou deign to pet me? Yes, you filthy cat. Reading through inutero osmosis

Other updatery...

Shimmer 10 is out and about in the world along with a cool trailer created by the illustrious maryrobinette. www.shimmerzine.com/2009/03/29/issue-ten-the-trailer/. My interview with Cory Doctorow can be found amongst the pages.

I actually did some work at Norwescon that was not related to Ken-Wrangling. (Maybe I missed my calling. How does Writer Wrangler-for-hire sound?) So there will be more interviews forthcoming at an unspecified time in unspecified locations. How's that for cryptic? Actually, not so cryptic. Just have some irons in the fire. The babies have been somewhat all-consuming lately, but I really don't want to lose sight of my writing in the midst of all the chaos. Okay, show of hands for who can relate to that one?

Have questioned my sanity on a number of occasions. Most often as the result of spotty memory lapses and frequent word salad. At the end of the day though, I'm pretty much left with the burning question, Can I really do it all? Be a hip and cool mother of twins, be a hip and cool wife, progress in my day job career, grow my writing career, manage the less creative side of Ken's writing, maintain and grow my friendships, keep the house from sliding into superfund status and still get in the requisite amount of Fun needed to be a healthy individual all the while conducting myself with a modicum of grace and a dash of Jen's trademarked brand of weird. And the answer is inevitably, Yes. Why? Because. Because, why? Well, what other answer is there, really? As many other well, and not-so-well adjusted folks before me have said, you just do it. Of course it does sort of feel like taking a deep breath, jumping and trusting that you'll figure out how to swim.

Also, I never did a proper update of our trip up to Bellingham last month. I could go into long detail, I suppose, but instead I'll just say it was a lot of fun seeing Ken's old alma mater. And I really enjoyed hanging out with some friends old and new. But really, this is just a segue into this interesting pic taken on the campus of Western Washingon. This is Ken and Marshmallow Jen in front of the requisite college homage to reproduction. Seriously, do all universities have some sort of symbol of reproduction artistically displayed somewhere on campus? U of O did. Anyway, here ya go...

Okay, that's it for miscellaneous updatery. It is now ridiculously late.

Coming out from under my E-Rock

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 16:57:36 GMT

Hi everyone! It's been awhile. Well, unless you count actually interacting in flesh and blood with a lot of you. In this brave new world of e-friendships, facebook, LJ, chat, does interacting face to face with your peeps still hold the same power as it once did? I'm going to weigh in with a big YES on that one. And the main reason being smell. Now granted, the olfactory senses can back fire on you - especially if you walk by the gaming room on the Sunday of a con - but really, it's the sense of smell that creates a much more visceral experience of the world and the people in it. And research has suggested that the sense of smell is also closely tied to memory recall. This is really all just an excuse for why I suck at maintaining non-work related email correspondence and regular LJ/Facebook updates. It is also the result of getting 12 hours of solid sleep following a week of sporadic insomnia followed by a long weekend of a smelly-in-a-good-way-mostly convention.

Okay, prego update: as mentioned above, I'm now experiencing pregnancy insomnia. I've surprised Ken a number of times now by being awake and bustling around before even HE wakes up. One 3 a.m. morning saw me baking blueberry muffins, and another coaxed a nice foot rub out of the "culprit of my current condition", so other than being completely exhausted during the day, I can't complain too much.

The babies are starting to seriously kick now and can be felt from the outside. It's such a weird feeling. And at our last ultrasound, they were being their usual precocious selves. They snuggled a lot, Elizabeth resting her head on Rachel's bum... until Rachel twitch-kicked and did something that sounded like flatulence on the monitor (doubt that's what it was, cause I don't think there's air in there) causing much laughter in the room and another episode of kicking, twitching and rolling in the womb. My sister, who is just 6 weeks behind me in her pregnancy, came with me to the appointment. It was a nice bonding moment between sisters and cousins. And since our favorite ultrasound technician, Cherie, is also pregnant, we were actually outnumbered by babies. All in all, I've got a couple of healthy spawn growing in there.

I'll not go into detail as to the other weird prego stuff that's starting to happen, but those of you who have experienced this probably can guess. I'm just going to say that my body is no longer my own. And my belly is getting HUGE! And I'm only a little more than halfway! We're starting to experience clearance issues when trying to reach for stuff or move about a crowded room or even just give a hug. If Steven Colbert can have the Colbert Bump and the Obamas can have the Obama Bump, then I think I should have the West-Scholes Belly Bump! I do have a couple more pictures that I'll try to post later today or tomorrow.

And despite my inability to sniff y'all over the internets, I still enjoy hearing/reading from you in those oceans of time between visits and conventions. Enjoy the weekend!

(PS, Yes, I'm weird.)

Judges, the envelope please...

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 01:24:01 GMT

And the verdict is in. We're having twin GIRLS!!! Both are healthy and well, just perfect. They are the perfect size for their development. They have all the parts they're supposed to have at this stage. They are just the cutest little over-achievers ever. And they still look like alien puppies. They are so active, too, as Ken found out last night. He can now feel them move, too. And they are such daddy's girls already. They respond to his voice and his touch. In fact, the ultrasound technician was trying to get one of the twins to move so she could measure something, but the little girl was being stubborn. At my suggestion, I had her daddy talk to her and sure enough, as soon as he started talking (cooing is more like it), she moved.

It was so fun watching them today. Both were active. One of them at one point was sitting on the other's head. And soon after they were playing what looked like a game of either patty-cake or pull-my-finger. Who knows? But they were being all squirrelly in there. No wonder I've been feeling weird gurgles and twinges.